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  • [The episode starts at Elder Kettle's cottage]
  • Elder Kettle: Boys, today, we're taking a family portrait.
  • [Cuts inside the cottage where Elder Kettle looks proud and Cuphead and Mugman look disappointed]
  • Cuphead and Mugman: Aw!
  • Elder Kettle: "Aw!" is right. It'll be a memento of the family I love.
  • [Cuphead and Mugman start arguing, causing Elder Kettle to look at them in surprise]
  • Cuphead: Amusement park!
  • Mugman: Movies!
  • [Cuts to Cuphead and Mugman pointing at themselves while confronting the other one angrily]
  • Cuphead: Amusement park!
  • Mugman: Movies!
  • [Cuts to Elder Kettle]
  • Cuphead: [Offscreen] Amusement park!
  • Mugman: [Also offscreen] Movies!
  • [Elder Kettle loses his temper]
  • Elder Kettle: Will you two [Yelling] STOP IT?! [He realizes that he has lost his temper and calms down; chuckles] I mean, uh, we can't take a family portrait with you two arguing, now can we?
  • [Cuts to Cuphead and Mugman}
  • Cuphead: [pointing at himself] Well, I wanna go to the amusement park!
  • Mugman: [pointing at himself] And I wanna go to the movies!
  • [The two begin to argue]
  • Cuphead: Amusement Park!
  • Mugman: Movies!
  • Cuphead: Amusement Park!
  • Mugman: Movies!
  • [The two growl at each other and get into a fight cloud]
  • Cuphead: Amusement Park!
  • Mugman: Movies!
  • Cuphead: Amusement Park!
  • Mugman: Movies!
  • [Elder Kettle grabs them by their handles and they continue to punch in the air]
  • Cuphead: Amusement Park!
  • Mugman: Movies!
  • [The two then slow down after being grabbed]
  • Cuphead: Amuse-ment park...
  • Mugman: Mo-movies...
  • Elder Kettle: Look boys, if you can't stop fighting I'll never get my family photo. A memento of the family I love. [He puts them back onto the floor] Can't you try to get along for your Elder Kettle?
  • [Elder Kettle grows eyelashes that twinkle. Cuphead and Mugman then decide to get along]
  • Cuphead and Mugman: [Disappointed voices] Yes, Elder Kettle.
  • Elder Kettle: That's the spirit! Now, let's get you two cleaned up.
  • [Cuts outside, where Elder Kettle sprays Cuphead and Mugman with a water hose]
  • Cuphead and Mugman: [Babble as they get sprayed by the water, cleaning their injuries. Elder Kettle turns off the hose. Cuphead and Mugman are dripping. They are then put into vintage outfits]
  • Elder Kettle: [Rubbing his hands] Ohhhhh!!!
  • Cuphead: [Offscreen] Amusement park!
  • Mugman: [Also offscreen] Movies!
  • [Cuphead and Mugman get into another fight cloud]
  • Elder Kettle: [Grumbling; steam comes from his spout] WILL YOU TWO STOP FIGHTING?!!!
  • [Cuphead and Mugman stop fighting and sit of the ground]
  • Elder Kettle: [Facepalms] Okay, how about this? [Stops facepalming] Stop fighting, we take the portrait, memento, family I love, then I'll take you to the amusement park and the movies.
  • [Cuphead and Mugman look at each other before getting up and begin cheering]
  • Cuphead and Mugman: Yay! Whoo-hoo! Yay!
  • [They stop cheering]
  • Mugman: Uh...
  • Cuphead: Wait a minute... [He and Mugman stare a Elder Kettle angrily] you're always promising to take us places, then, when it's time to go, you say you can't remember.
  • Elder Kettle: [Looks around for an excuse] I don't remember that. [He picks up a camera and walks towards his car; chuckles happily] Oh Kettle, you rascal you.
  • [The family enter the car]
  • Elder Kettle: Here we go boys! Time to find that perfect setting.
  • [They take off as the screen fades away. Cuts to Cuphead and Mugman smiling in front of a billboard of a sunset picture with the words: "SUNSET Tires"]
  • Elder Kettle: Well, thanks to your shenanigans, we missed the actual sunset, but this'll do. [He prepares the camera] Now, don't move a muscle, starting... now!
  • [The camera begins to countdown as Elder Kettle runs behind Cuphead and Mugman]
  • Elder Kettle: Eight seconds... six... five... [Cuphead and Mugman become impatient and stare at each other] four... Say "cheese!"
  • Cuphead and Mugman: [Scream and attack each other, getting into a fight cloud]
  • Cuphead: Amusement park!
  • Mugman: Movies!
  • Elder Kettle: Hey! will you two knock it off?! Get back over here! I said stop that!
  • [Cuphead and Mugman bump into the billboard, causing the wall paper to fall down and reveal a new one saying "Lil Elder Kettle is... DIAPER BABY"]
  • Elder Kettle: Get back over here! [He notices the camera] Oh! Cheese!
  • [The camera flashes at Elder Kettle and the wallpaper. Cuphead and Mugman notice the wallpaper and stop fighting]
  • Cuphead and Mugman: [Gasps before laughing]
  • [Elder Kettle turns around to see what caused Cuphead and Mugman to laugh. He sees the wallpaper has changed to the Diaper Baby one]
  • Elder Kettle: [Screams in horror]
  • [Elder Kettle pulls fire at the bi ]
  • Elder Kettle: [Holding a flamethrower; shaking] You saw nothing! [He walks towards the car and grabs the camera before entering]
  • [Cuts to Elder Kettle driving through the woods with Cuphead and Mugman]
  • Mugman: [Nervously] Uh... Elder Kettle... are you ready to talk about... uh... Diaper Baby?
  • Elder Kettle: Okay, I'll tell you. Long ago, my mother entered me into a Cutest Baby Contest. I won... and it ruined my life! [He speeds up in irritation of the Diaper Baby memories a little bit] I became known as Diaper Baby. It haunted me my entire childhood. Well, you can imagine what school was like, for Diaper Baby. [Cuts to a flashback of Elder Kettle armed with a flamethrower] That's why I decided to... burn them all! [The flashback Elder Kettle burns down the Diaper Baby billboards of him. He chuckles, which turns into laughter. His present self also begins laughing]
  • Cuphead and Mugman: [Shaking and holding each other in terror as they scream]
  • [They arrive back at the cottage. An irritated Elder Kettle enters]
  • Cuphead: Hey, what happened to the amusement park?
  • Mugman: And the movie?
  • Cuphead: [Pushes Mugman in irritation] Amusement park!
  • Mugman: [Pushes Cuphead] Movie!
  • Cuphead: Amusement park!
  • Mugman: Movie!
  • [Elder Kettle slams the door]
  • Elder Kettle: [Grumbling]
  • [He places the camera down and stares at it. His irritation quickly turns into sadness as he sulks upstairs]
  • Elder Kettle: [Sobbing]
  • [Cuphead and Mugman run into the cottage]
  • Mugman: But Elder Kettle!
  • Cuphead: You promised! Me and Mugsy came through on our end!
  • [Elder Kettle turns around]
  • Elder Kettle: Oh did you? [Walks downstairs] Here's what I remember: I set the timer, took my place, and with the only waning vestiges of daylight remaining, I said "Cheese!". Meanwhile, [Flicks their noses] You two couldn't resist [Yelling] fighting! [Sobbing] And now the only thing I wanted is ruined! Portrait... Memento...! [sobbing]
  • [Elder Kettle walks upstairs sadly. Cuphead and Mugman do not care about his feelings and look upset]
  • Mugman: One minute we're going to the movies and the amusement park, and the next minute we're going nowhere.
  • Cuphead: [Sighs]
  • [Cuphead gets an idea]
  • Cuphead: Oh! I know what'll cheer us up: the photo of Diaper Baby!
  • [He grabs the camera and walks away]
  • Mugman: As upsetting as the Diaper Baby is to Elder Kettle, it sure is funny!
  • [Elder Kettle watches upstairs as Cuphead places the camera down]
  • Cuphead: Luckily, the camera flashed right when the dust cleared.
  • Elder Kettle: [Gasps in shock]
  • Mugman: So we could get that photo printed up and laugh at Diaper Baby forever!
  • Cuphead: Yeah, forever.
  • [Cuphead's voice echoes. Elder Kettles pupils turn into Diaper Baby laughing. Cuts to Cuphead and Mugman]
  • Cuphead and Mugman: [laughing like Diaper Baby]
  • [Elder Kettle rushes to the middle of the stairs]
  • Elder Kettle: No!
  • [Elder Kettle tries to jump on the camera, but his handle gets stuck on the fan. The fan spins uncontrollably before Elder Kettle is thrown off]
  • Elder Kettle: [Screams] Whoa!
  • [Elder Kettle crashes]
  • Cuphead: [Nervously] Elder... Kettle?
  • [Elder Kettle's body turns towards Cuphead and Mugman. He then gets on his backside and crawls towards them]
  • Elder Kettle: [Shouts]
  • Cuphead and Mugman: [Screaming]
  • [Cuphead and Mugman run into the kitchen as Elder Kettle chases them, crawling against the walls and ceiling. Cuphead and Mugman begin to whimper as they hide in the kitchen shivering. Elder Kettle turns out to be above them on the ceiling and pounces on them, but only gets Cuphead to crash]
  • Elder Kettle: [Shouts} Cuphead and Mugman: [Scream]
  • [Cuphead crashes into the refrigerator and Elder Kettle on a drawer. They look at each other and search for the camera]
  • Cuphead and Elder Kettle: [Gasp]
  • Mugman: [Offscreen] Looking for something?
  • [Cuphead and Elder Kettle look at Mugman, who pats the camera while smiling with a smug face. The camera almost falls, but Mugman picks it up and continues to pat it nervously]
  • Mugman: [Chuckles nervously]
  • Cuphead: [Walking towards Mugman] Good work, Mugsy! Now, why don't you just let me take it from here?
  • [Mugman pulls the camera away from Cuphead. Elder Kettle pulls Cuphead aside]
  • Elder Kettle: Smart boy, keeping that camera away from Cuphead. [Chuckles] You know, Mugman, you were always my favorite.
  • Cuphead: Hey, you said the same exact thing when you wanted my free pie coupon!
  • [Elder Kettle pushes Cuphead in a drawer]
  • Elder Kettle: [Chuckles] You don't need Cuphead, my boy. Now let's just you and I talk about your amusement park.
  • [He pulls a chair out for Mugman and they sit]
  • Mugman: Movies.
  • Elder Kettle: Right, right, movies. Let's face it, Mugman. This whole you and Cuphead thing, it's getting old. Try this on for size: Kettle, Mugman. Mugman, Kettle. Kettle, Mugman. Mugman...
  • [Cuphead pulls Mugman aside]
  • Cuphead: Don't listen to him. Think about it: That camera's are bargaining chip.
  • [Mugman realizes what Cuphead is talking about]
  • Mugman: Hmm. 'Cause Elder Kettle wants the picture.
  • Elder Kettle: Kettle, Mugman. Mug... man?
  • Cuphead: And what's Elder Kettle gotta do if he wants that picture?
  • Mugman: He's gotta do what he promised!
  • Cuphead: That's right. Now gimme the camera.
  • [Mugman still refuses to give it to him]
  • Cuphead: Alright, we'll both hold it.
  • [Cuphead and Mugman hold the camera high]
  • Cuphead and Mugman: Hmm!
  • [They confront Elder Kettle on the table]
  • Mugman: Time to make good on your promise, Elder Kettle.
  • [Elder Kettle gets up from the chair]
  • Elder Kettle: So let me just get this straight. You're blackmailing me.
  • Cuphead and Mugman: Pretty much!
  • Elder Kettle: [Chuckles] Looks like I've got no other choice but to... GIMME THAT CAMERA!!!
  • [Elder Kettle pounces on them and the family begin to pull on the camera. Eventually, it breaks]
  • Camera: [Screaming; groaning]
  • [The camera gets destroyed and the camera roll burns down]
  • Cuphead and Mugman: NO!
  • [Cuphead grabs the destroyed photo roll]
  • Mugman: It's... it's...
  • Cuphead: Ruined!
  • Cuphead and Mugman: [Wailing]
  • Mugman: Now we'll never get to the movies! [Pushes Cuphead]
  • Cuphead: Amusement park! [Pushes Mugman]
  • Mugman: Movies! [Pushes Cuphead]
  • Cuphead: Amusement park! [Pushes Mugman]
  • Elder Kettle: Fire poker!
  • [It is revealed that Elder Kettle is armed with a fire porker]
  • Cuphead and Mugman: [Screaming]
  • [Cuphead and Mugman run out of the cottage as Elder kettle swings the fire poker at them. Meanwhile, in the alleyways of the city, Chief Bea has her car parked in the alleys]
  • Chief Bea: So I says "Honey, you must bee pollen my leg!" [laughs] Get it? Honey? Pollen? 'Cause we're bees?
  • Rookie: I don't get it.
  • [Chief Bea gets disappointed. Cuphead and Mugman crash on the car's window.
  • Rookie: Wait... is that...?
  • [The Rookie looks at a piece of paper showing Cuphead and Mugman wanted]
  • Chief Bea: Requesting backup. We got two escaped cookie convicts from the cookie factory caper.
  • [Elder Kettle swings the fire poker at the window, causing the boys to continue running]
  • Chief Bea: We also have the Diaper Baby billboard burner. He's armed and insane.
  • [Elder Kettle continues to chase them with the fire poker as the police car gives chase. The screen fades as it cuts to Cuphead, Mugman, and Elder Kettle are put into prison]
  • Elder Kettle: Well, boys, your Elder Kettle couldn't be happier
  • Cuphead: But... we destroyed your camera.
  • Mugman: And we're all dirty and scuffed.
  • Elder Kettle: True, true, but at least I'm finally getting my family portrait
  • Police Photographer: Face forward!
  • Elder Kettle: Say "cheese!"
  • [Cuphead and Mugman smile]
  • Cuphead and Mugman: Cheese!
  • [The three raise there mug books up as the photographer flashes a picture of them. The sound of a cell door closing is then heard]

END OF TRANSCRIPT

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