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Kettle: Boys! Our favorite radio show is about to start! Hey! You're not playing with my lucky tire again, are ya?

Both: Of course not, dearest Kettle.

Announcer: Live from beautiful Inkwell City.....it's everyone's favorite game show, Roll the Dice! Featuring your master of ceremonies, King Dice!

King Dice: All right. Let's jump right in! Who will be the first lucky contestant to Roll the Dice? Will it be... You!

Telephone: Yay!

All right, Telephone!

King Dice: It's your lucky day, sir. Get on up here and Roll the Dice. Don't touch. Now, all you gotta do is make it through three rounds, then you get to enter the mystery prize room. First up, Name That Tune!

Telephone: Ah! "Little Brown Jug."

King Dice: Correct! Now, on to the trivia round! Which is the only mammal that cannot jump?

Telephone: Hmm... The elephant.

King Dice: Correct!

Elephant: Show-offs.

King Dice: Now, for the final game. All you gotta do is Roll the Dice! Roll any number and you'll go to the mystery prize room.

King Dice: We have a winner! You are one lucky phone! Now, off you go to the mystery prize room! We'll be right back.

Telephone: Hello? Uh-oh.

King Dice: Who's the host with the most, hmm?

Reflection: You are, you handsome devil.

King Dice: Oh! You're terrible!

Announcer: Now, we return to your favorite radio game show, Roll the Dice!

King Dice: Who will be our next lucky contestant? You! You're the next contestant on Roll the Dice! Welcome to the show! Now, let go of my leg and tell us a little bit about yourself.

Cuphead: My name is Cuphead, I like roller coasters, and hot dogs, and tilt-a-whirl, and hot dogs, and flying swings and hot dogs, and throwing up on roller coasters in that order!

King Dice: What a lovely introduction. I...

Cuphead: Wow! I can't believe I'm standing next to the King Dice! You're way shorter in person.

[People laugh]

King Dice: So...

Cuphead: Wait. Everyone in town can hear this, right?

King Dice: That's right. First...

Cuphead: That's for you, Jimmy! And you know what for. So, you're an entertainer, right? I'm kind of entertaining too. I got a joke for you. These two cannibals are eating a clown, and, uh... Wait. How did it go? Uh... Wait.

Cuphead: Uhhhhhhhhhhh.

King Dice: Now, a quick word from our sponsor. We'll be right back.

King Dice: Get me the boss.

Henchman: Uh, hey, boss. Phone call.

Devil: Urgh. This better be important.

King Dice: It's your number one calling.

Devil: Who?

King Dice: King Dice? Your number one?

Devil: Dice, you know I'm very busy. What do you want?

King Dice: I just captured someone you might be interested in. A certain... cup?

Devil: You actually have him?

King Dice: Just sit back, relax, and I'll deliver his soul directly to you.

Devil: This is why you're my number one. Oh, and number one?

King Dice: Yes?

Devil: I hate disappointment.

King Dice: And we're back! First up, you need to...

Cuphead: Name That Tune! Oh, that's too easy. It's... Wait. I know this. Hmm... "Sprinkle, Sprinkle, Mr. Car"?

Kettle: "Sprinkle, Sprinkle, Mr. Car"?! Come on!

King Dice: No.

Cuphead: Hmm, then I better use my help line. My brother, Mugman, is the smartest person I know.

King Dice: Well, it appears your help line is frozen in terror.

Cuphead: Oh, right. Mugman's got really bad stage fright. Aw, nuts! I guess I lose.

King Dice: Since your help line was frozen in terror, you should get another chance. Shouldn't he, folks?

Person: Give him another chance!

King Dice: What's the name of your favorite song? Beautiful. Okay, Cuphead. Name this tune.

Cuphead: But you just asked me my favorite song.

King Dice: Which song?

Cuphead: "The Daring Young Man on the Flying Trapeze"?

King Dice: Correct! And now, on to the...

Cuphead: Trivia round!

King Dice: Isn't he great, folks? Now, the dreaded Poodoo Cave Monster lives in which cave?

Cuphead: Hmm...

King Dice: The "Poodoo Cave" Monster. Let's just think out loud a little. Say the name of the cave monster.

Cuphead: Poodoo?

King Dice: Correct! Now, it's time to Roll the Dice! Roll any number and go straight to the mystery prize room. Literally, any number. It's basically impossible to lose.

Cuphead: And then I'll get what's coming to me!

King Dice: Couldn't have said it better myself.

Cuphead: Wait! I remember how the joke goes! Two cannibals are hanging out eating their lunch, which is a clown, you see? 'Cause they're cannibals. And one cannibal says to the other cannibal "Does this taste funny to you?" We'll be right back.

Kind Dice: No! We are not going to break! Roll the Dice!

People: Roll the Dice! Roll the Dice!

Cuphead: Watch this.

King Dice: How?

Cuphead: Aw, dang it. I guess I lost.

King Dice: Oh, that's actually a good thing. When the dice shatter, you go directly to the mystery prize room, yay! In you go.

Elephant: Hey! He lost! He's not supposed to get a prize.

Female Elephant: This show is rigged!

King Dice: Shut up! Get in there!

Cuphead: Rigged? Hmph! Come on, Mugsy. Let's leave with our dignity intact.

King Dice: No! You have to win! You're going in that room one way or another.

Henchman: Uh, boss wants to see ya.

Kettle: It's "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star"!

Henchman: Uh, gee, Mr. King Dice, sir, I know this is a little bit awkward, but, um, could I get your autograph?

King Dice: Not the time. Hey-hey! Oh, um... You're way over there. Done some redecorating, I see. Uh... Say, um, how...

Devil: So, Dice, you know Henchman, don't you?

Henchman: Hi!

King Dice: Yeah. I know Henchman.

Devil: He's a big fan of your show. Never misses an episode.

King Dice: Is... is that a fact?

Devil: He was telling me that tonight, you had your first loss. Ever.

King Dice: Look, I can explain!

Devil: Silence! You had him right in the palm of your hand! I am very, very disappointed!

King Dice: Give a second chance to your number one!

Devil: You are no longer my number one. And you will not be hosting your precious little show.

King Dice: But if I'm not hosting, then who?

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen! Tonight's master of ceremonies, the Henchman!

Henchman: Uh, hi! Time to Roll the D... Whoa!

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