[The episode begins with a brief shot of the cottages exterior. We see Elder Kettle coming up the stairs, happily whistling. He walks up to pictures of his past, cleaning them with his hand and spout. He salutes the pictures and continues walking towards Cuphead and Mugman's room, knocking on their door]
Elder Kettle: Yoo-hoo! Boys! Breakfast is ready!
Cuphead & Mugman: Be right there, Elder Kettle!
[Just as Elder Kettle is about to walk away, the boys continue talking. He listens in]
Mugman: Isn't he the greatest?
Cuphead: Yeah! I can't believe how full of life he is, especially for his age!
Mugman: Don't 'cha just love him?
Elder Kettle: [gushes] Mugman.
Cuphead: Eh, I'm still in the like stage.
Elder Kettle: [gasps] Cuphead!
Mugman: What's not to love?
Cuphead: Well, for one thing, he's filthy, hideous, and digusting!
[Kettle gasps, looking at himself]
Mugman: He can't help the way he is. Now let's go eat, I'm starving.
[Elder Kettle starts running off, bumping his head into the hanging lamp]
Elder Kettle: OoH!—
[He ducks beneath the lamp, holding his head and sucking his teeth as he heads downstairs. He looks behind him, then grabs a pot, gazing at his reflection]
Elder Kettle: ...Maybe I am disgusting.
[He turns away from his reflection, spotting a shine bottle on the counter. He grabs it, pouring and rubbing it on his arm, which starts shining. He smiles, taking the rest of it and pouring it on himself, even drinking it. He tosses the bottle aside, using a cloth to rub it on himself. Cuphead and Mugman walk in]
Cuphead: So then I says to her—
[A bright light appears offscreen, blinding the two]
Mugman: MY EYEBALLS ARE ON FIRE!
Cuphead: WHY'S IT SO BRIGHT?!
[Reveal Elder Kettle, light revolving around his shiny, silver body. He holds two plates in hand]
Elder Kettle: Just your dear Elder Kettle looking his shiny best! [he walks over to the table, serving the two. to Mugman] Hope you love it. [to Cuphead, in an annoyed tone] Hope it's in the LIKE STAGE.
Cuphead: ...What's with him?
Elder Kettle: Get a load of this shine, will 'ya? [chuckles] I— [he trips on the bottle, falling backwards while screaming. he ends up breaking the table with a flower pot on his head] Ah— Don't worry! Everything's still shiny!
[He lifts the flower pot, the soil coming out of it reverting him back to normal self. He coughs while trying to wave the dirt away. The boys grab their plates and leave]
Mugman: Thanks for breakfast.
Cuphead: We'll see you later, Elder Kettle.
[Elder Kettle watches as they head upstairs]
Elder Kettle: Aw, that didn't go so well... wonder what they're saying about me now.
[Upstairs, Kettle sneaks up to the boys' door, using a empty glass to listen in]
Mugman: Looks like we were wrong about how great he's doing.
Cuphead: Yeah, he's really gone downhill. We better do something fast.
[Kettle gasps]
Cuphead: Did you hear a gasp?
[He gasps again, falling over]
Elder Kettle: Uhh, sorry about that boys! I just gasped twice and feel down. But I'm alright, and I'm walking away now! Toodle-loo! [hums unconvincingly while making footsteps] Do-do-do-do-do... [he continues to listen in without them knowing]
Cuphead: Let's be realistic, Mugsy... I don't think we can take care of him anymore.
Mugman: Are you... suggesting that we send him away?
Elder Kettle: Send me away...?
Cuphead: I don't think we have any other choice.
[Elder Kettle gasps]
Elder Kettle: No! [tumbles into the wall, continues running] Nooo!
[He bumps into the shelf, knocking some of the pictures off, he catches them as the boys enter]
Mugman: Elder Kettle? Are you okay?
Elder Kettle: N-never better! Just — arranging a couple of things.
Mugman: Here.. let me help you.
Elder Kettle: AH! Shoo, scat! I am perfectly capable of doing things on my own. [he says as he places the pictures upside down]
Cuphead: Are you.. okay, Elder Kettle?
Elder Kettle: I'M NOT OLD!
[He sprints off and into that lamp again]
Elder Kettle: OH!—
[He ducks under it, holding his head in pain as he heads down the stairs. He can he heard sobbing offscreen. Cuphead and Mugman shrug it off and head back inside. The screen goes black]
[We fade in on a daisy in the backyard, crushed by Elder Kettle's foot then dragged out of the soil by the tire he's carrying. He drops the tire on the ground]
Elder Kettle: Oh-yoo-hoo, boys! [Cuphead and Mugman look outside from the window. Elder Kettle stretches] Watch this.
[He then attempts to grab the tire, which is obviously heavy. After a while, he manages to haul it on his shoulder, then over his head as his face becomes increasingly red. He ends up breaking his back as steam comes from his spout, he falls back]
Elder Kettle: Ta-daa!
Cuphead: [pitifully] What're you doing?
Mugman: [also, but slightly more sympathetic, pitifully] You poor, elderly thing!
Elder Kettle: [rolling] I'm not hurt! Not one bit! [chuckles] I'm hip! [breaks his hip] OW! MY HIP!
Cuphead: Do you need some help?
Elder Kettle: NO! I'm FINE! Now close that window or... or you're grounded!
[The two close the window]
Elder Kettle: Ah, dishwater. Now what are they gonna say about me?
[Offscreen, Kettle props a ladder on the roof and climbs up to the window. Getting to the top, he looks in. Cuphead and Mugman's silhouettes can be seen under a fort of some kind]
Cuphead: I know you love him, Mugsy.
[We pan inside to actually see the two, and a withering worm on a tray between them]
Cuphead, CONT'D: [sadly] But what other option is there? I mean, look at him...
[The dying worm writhes around, Mugman watches with tears in his eyes.]
Mugman: ...He used to be so full of life! But now...
[We pan back to Kettles perspective, inside commotion now offscreen]
Mugman, CONT'D: You're right, Cuphead... We need to just put him out of his misery.
[Elder Kettle makes a horrified gasp]
Cuphead: We should really do this sooner than later.
Mugman: He's not gonna suffer, is he...?
Cuphead: We'll make it quick and painless.
[Kettle gasps, and the ladder starts to fall backwards. The screen goes black as a crash occurs]
[We fade back in with an unconscious Kettle on his bed, the screen pans wider to reveal Cuphead and Mugman]
Mugman: Poor Elder Kettle. What do you suppose he was doing on that ladder anyway?
Cuphead: Probably fixing the roof? You know him, never slows down. He's so full of life!
Mugman: [holds up the worm] Not like this poor little guy...
[The two look at eachother, knowing what they were going to have to do. They sadly leave the room]
Cuphead: Let's go take care of it...
[Right as they leave, Elder Kettle begins to wake up]
Elder Kettle: [groans, sits up] ...Wha?
Cuphead: What should we do with his body?
[He immediately lays back down so he isn't seen. We pan to Cuphead and Mugmans shadows in the doorway]
Mugman: We could just bury him in the backyard.
Cuphead: Yeah. That way, he'll still kinda be with us.
[Elder Kettle begins to sweat hysterically]
Mugman: Agreed.
[The two pull out shovels and begin to head outside]
Elder Kettle: They're gonna kill me! Oh, where did things go so WRONG?!
[He notices a picture of the boys, and angrily slams it down]
Elder Kettle, CONT'D: Traitors. [gets up] Get it together, Kettle. They're just two little boys. You're a decorated war hero.
[Kettle leaves his room and looks at his pictures. He places an army coat on, alongside some boots and a badge. Finally, he wears his helmet, "E.K" carved into it. He goes to the boys' window, staring at the two digging]
Elder Kettle: Keep digging, boys. Better make it big enough for two. [backs away]
Cuphead: Phew, that 'oughta do it.
[The worm is placed inside the hole and is straightened out]
Mugman: Shall we say a few words?
Cuphead: Sure. [beat] Shoelace, mailbox, slingshot, octopus, bagel, lipstick—
Mugman: ...Can we just bury the dead earthworm already?
[The two do so, sadly holding their hands to their hearts afterwards. However, commotion can be heard beneath the dirt, which eventually leads to...]
Worm: [pops out] Ah! Nothing like the taste of fresh soil!
Cuphead and Mugman: [gasp] He's alive!
Worm: Thanks a lot, Cuphead and Mugman, you really helped a worm out. [salutes them] So long, fellas! [dives back into the soil]
Cuphead: It's a miracle!
Mugman: Let's go tell Elder Kettle the good news!
[The two run inside]
Mugman: Elder Kettle! [he stops infront of the doorway, stopping Cuphead too] Woah.
Cuphead: Hey, what gives?
Mugman: You almost tripped on something...
[Cuphead looks down: Reveal a wire at their feet]
Cuphead: Piano wire? [looks ahead] And is that...
[A tiger trap lies right beyond the piano wire]
Mugman: ...A tiger trap in the living room? [points] And look!
[Grease is covered all over the stairs]
Cuphead: Did someone grease the stairs?
Mugman: This whole room is booby-trapped!
[Right he is; traps are revealed to be all over the room, each one set up for their doom]
Mugman: What is all this?
Elder Kettle: [in the shadows of the top stairway] Like what you see, boys?
Mugman: Is that you...?
Cuphead: Elder... Kettle..?
Elder Kettle: [emerging from shadows] That's right. And guess what? [equipping his sword] You'll never take me ALIVE!
[He proceeds to slip on the grease and fall down the stairs, bumping into a wall and tropple over the railings, making a harsh landing.]
Cuphead and Mugman: Oooh...
Elder Kettle: [getting up] I'm okay... still got the upper hand— [trips over piano wire] Uh oh.
[Arrows fire at Kettle offscreen. The two continue to cringe as he screams]
Elder Kettle: Ooh, that really smarts! [backs up into a bear trap, which triggers offscreen] OW! MY LEG! [he crashes into something else] MY OTHER LEG! [another crash] OWW!
[An explosion happens offscreen. Viens Mallika proceeds to play in the background as Kettle gets thrown each and every direction]
Elder Kettle: WOOOAAH! [boom] WOAH, WOAH, WOAH, WOOAH! [boom] AAAAHHH! [boom] WOAH, WOAH, WOAH, WOOOAAH! [boom] AAAAAAAHHHH!
[He finally lands, horribly weak]
Elder Kettle: I'm... still.. okay..
[Then the piano falls on him, falling sidewards to reveal his flattened body]
Cuphead and Mugman: [running over] Elder Kettle, Elder Kettle!
Elder Kettle: [sitting up, missing a tooth] Please! Please don't kill me!
[The boys look at eachother confused]
Cuphead: What are you talking about?
Elder Kettle: I heard what you said! I'm old and dirty and weak—[tearing up]—and you're gonna put me out of my misery and—[buries his face in the floor, sobbing]—bury me in the backyard!
[Cuphead and Mugman go to help him up]
Cuphead: What?
Mugman: No!
Cuphead: We weren't talking about you! We were taking care of our pet worm!
Elder Kettle: [shocked, sputtering] A WORM?! So, you weren't trying to kill me?
Cuphead: Kill you? You're our Elder Kettle!
[The two hug Kettle]
Mugman: We love you!
Elder Kettle: [blushing] Aww! [hugging them back] I love you boys, too! [backs up into tiger trap] To imagine that I thought you boys were gonna kill me— [falls in] Woah–Woah–WOAH!
[Kettle lands with an ugly stab, groaning. The boys look down, cringing at the sight]
Mugman: Yikes. He's not looking too hot.
Cuphead: ...I guess we could bury him the backyard.
[Iris on the two]
Mugman: I'll get the shovels.
[Iris out; The episode ends]