Cuphead Wiki

Kettle: Yoo-hoo! Boys! Breakfast is ready!

Boys: Be right there, Elder Kettle!

Mugman: Isn't he the greatest?

Cuphead: Yeah. I can't believe how full of life he is, especially for his age.

Mugman: Don't ya just love him?

Kettle: Mugman.

Cuphead: Eh. I'm still in the "like" stage.

Kettle: Cuphead!

Mugman: What's not to love?!

Cuphead: Well, for one thing, he's dirty, filthy, and disgusting!

Mugman: He can't help the way he is. Now let's eat. I'm starvin'!

Kettle: Maybe I am disgusting.

Cuphead: Then I says--

Mugman: My eyeballs are on fire!

Cuphead: Why is it so bright?!

Kettle: Just your dear Elder Kettle looking his shiny best. Not a single speck or smudge. No, sirree! ( lovingly ) Hope you love it. ( angrily ) Hope it's in the "like" stage.

Cuphead: What's with him?

Kettle" Get a load of this shine, would ya? ( chuckles ) I... Whoa! E-Everything's fine! Still shiny!

Cuphead: Thanks for breakfast. See you later, Elder Kettle.

Kettle: Aw, that didn't go well. ( sighs ) Wonder what they're saying about me now.

Mugman: Looks like we were wrong about how great he's doing.

Cuphead: Yeah, he's gone downhill. We gotta do something fast.

Cuphead: Did you hear a gasp? (

Kettle: Uh, sorry about that, boys. I just gasped twice and fell down. But I'm fine! I'm walking away now! Toodle-oo!

Cuphead: Let's be realistic, Mugsy. I don't think we can take care of him anymore.

Mugman: Are you suggesting that we send him away?

Kettle: Send me away?

Cuphead: I'm not sure we have any choice.

Kettle: No!

Mugman: Elder Kettle? Are you okay?

Kettle: Never been better! Just rearranging a few things.

Mugman: : Here, let me help you.

Kettle: Ah! Shoo! Scat! I am perfectly capable of doing things on my own.

Cuphead: Are you okay, Elder Kettle?

Kettle: I'm not old! Oh!

Both: Eh.

Kettle: Uh, yoo-hoo! Boys! Watch this. Ta-da!

Cuphead:What are you doing?

Mugman: You poor elderly thing.

Kettle: I'm not hurt. Not one bit. I'm hip. My hip!

Cuphead: Do you need some help?

Kettle; No! I'm fine! Now close the window or... or you're grounded! Aw, dishwater. Now what are they gonna say about me?

Cuphead: I know you love him, Mugsy, but what other option is there? I mean, look at him.

Mugman: He used to be so full of life, but now... You're right, Cuphead. We need to put him out of his misery. (

Cuphead: We should do it sooner rather than later.

Mugman: He's not gonna suffer, is he?

Cuphead: We'll make it quick and painless.

Mugman: Poor Elder Kettle. What do you suppose he was doing up that ladder anyway?

Cuphead: Maybe fixing the roof? You know him. He never slows down! He's so full of life!

Mugman: Not like this poor little guy. Let's go take care of it.

Kettle: Oh, wha...?

Cuphead: What do we do with his body?

Mugman: We could bury him in the backyard.

Cuphead: Yeah. That way, he'll still kinda be with us.

Mugman: Agreed.

Kettle: They're gonna kill me! Oh where did things go so wrong?! Traitors. (Get it together, Kettle. They're just two little boys. You're a decorated war hero! Keep digging, boys. Better make that hole big enough for two.

Cuphead: Phew! That oughta do it.

Mugman: Should we say a few words?

Cuphead: Sure. Shoelace, mailbox, slingshot, octopus, bagel, lipstick...

Mugman: Can we just bury the earthworm already?

Worm: Ah! Nothing like the taste of fresh soil.

Both: He's alive!

Worm: Thanks, Cuphead and Mugman. You really helped a worm out. So long, fellas!

Both: It's a miracle!

Mugman: Let's tell Elder Kettle the good news! Elder Kettle! Whoa! Wait!

Cuphead: Hey, what gives?

Mugman: You almost tripped on something.

Cuphead: Piano wire?

Mugman: And is that... a tiger trap in the living room?

Cuphead: And look! Did someone grease the stairs?

Mugman: This whole room is booby-trapped. What is all this?

Kettle: ( sinister ) Like what you see, boys?

Cuphead: Is that you?

Mugman: Elder Kettle?

Kettle: That's right! And guess what? You'll never take me ali-- Wh-Wh-Whoa! ( wearily ) I'm okay. Still got the upper hand. Uh-oh. ( arrows land ) Ow! Oh, boy! That really smarts! Ow! My leg! My other leg! I'm still okay.

Both: Elder Kettle! Elder Kettle!

Kettle: Please! Please don't kill me.

Cuphead: What are you talking about?

Kettle: I heard what you said. I'm dirty and old and weak, and you're gonna put me out of my misery and bury me in the backyard!

Cuphead: What?!

Mugman: No! We weren't talking about you.

Cuphead: We were taking care of our pet worm.

Kettle: ( splutters ) A worm?! So you weren't trying to kill me?

Cuphead: Kill you? You're our Elder Kettle.

Mugman: We love you.

Kettle: Aw! I love you boys too. To imagine that I thought that you two were gonna kill-- Wh-wh-whoa!

Mugman: Yikes. He's not looking so hot.

Cuphead: I guess we could bury him in the backyard.

Mugman: I'll get the shovels.