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Customer: So, you got that package?

Porkrind: Yeah. One box of grenades. Two sacks of gunpowder. A spool of piano wire. And one tube of toothpaste.

Customer: Spearmint. Nobody procures black-market goods like you do, Porkrind.

Porkrind: Shh! Don't use my real name! I like to keep a low profile.

Both: Hi, Porkrind!

Cuphead: Today's the day, Porkrind. We've been saving up our chore nickels! Can you guess what we're gonna spend them on?

Porkrind: No.

Cuphead: The greatest game in all the Inkwell Isles.

Mugman: Also, it's a little bit scary.

Cuphead: Dirk Dangerous vs. the Volcano! Nickel me.

Mugman: Oh. Hey, Porkrind! Whatcha doin'? [He points at a golden knucks set that has spikes.] That looks neat.

Porkrind: [takes knucks set away.] Not for you.

Mugman: [pears in a jar with a pickle.] What's in this jar?

Porkrind: [takes jar away.] Hands off.

Mugman: [points out a bomb.] What about this?

Porkrind: [confiscates bomb.] Classified. [He places confiscated objects on a shelf behind his desk.]

Mugman: Whoa! Porkrind! A shoe! I found a shoe on the road and put it on my foot. The shoe was too small. I wore it anyway. I lost my shoe earlier. And it popped right on! [Cut to a pinball machine where Cuphead is enjoying his game.] Then, I realized the shoe I found was my shoe! It wasn't too small. Just a family of mice living inside. I named them. Wanna know what I named them? I named the mama Ding. I named the papa Ding-Ding. I named their baby... [He makes an annoying treble E-flat sound as his head swings side to side. Porkrind gets angry as his face turns red. He conjures a hammer, shoves his desk aside, and swings his hammer at Cuphead and Mugman, beheading them. Their bodies fall as Porkrind raises his hammer and laughs at the top of his lungs in triumph. The camera pans down to show that it was just a dream sequence and that Porkrind was just lying on his desk while Mugman was trying to get Porkrind's attention.]

Mugman: Porkrind. Porkrind. Porkrind. Hey, Porkrind! Porkrind! Porkrind!

Porkrind: You know, you two would be perfect for a special job. Eh, never mind. It's probably too dangerous.

Cuphead: Dangerous?

Mugman: Dangerous?

Porkrind: Oh, yeah. Very scary. I need a delicate package picked up from this very dangerous location.

Cuphead: "Mt. Eruptus"?!

Mugman: Mount Eruptus?

Porkrind: Yep. That's the name of the place. I can sense within you the bravery required to complete this mission. You, not so much.

Mugman: Well, I take offense. I could be dangerous too. Hmph!

Cuphead: Yeah. Don't wait up for us.

Mugman: I'm not dangerous. How could I say that? We gotta back out! I'm not up for this! I wanna go home!

Cuphead: Oh, brother. Wait! Hold on there, Mugsy. Whenever I need a little extra confidence, I slap on these Dirk Dangerous goggles. These things have some kind of magical power.

Mugman:Really?

Cuphead: Would I lie about something this important? I'm telling you, when I put these on, I'm infused with confidence and bravery!

Mugman: Confidence and bravery? Oh, yeah! Cuphead, I'm feeling a little dangerous.

Cuphead: That's the spirit! Next stop, Mount Eruptus!

Mugman: There she is!

Cuphead: This tub oughta do nicely. Shouldn't we get the one that's most seaworthy?

Mugman: Dirk Dangerous doesn't do seaworthy. He does dangerous.

Cuphead: Ho, ho! Now you're talking! I gotta tell you, Mug... man, now that you're so dangerous, I'm... even more excited for this... adventure!

Mugman: Just wait till we go over the falls.

Cuphead: The falls?!

Cuphead: That was... sensational!

Mugman: You just follow me, Cuphead. These goggles give me a sense of adventure you can't possibly comprehend. What? What happened?

Cuphead: Uh... Nothing! You just, uh, look so brave in your goggles, which you're wearing, is all I wanted to say.

Mugman: Great. Let's move.

Mugman: Come on, Cuphead! We gotta prove Porkrind wrong!

Cuphead: Maybe we've had enough danger for one day? We don't even know what this delicate package is!

Mugman: Oh, yes, we do! Eggs are delicate packages.

Cuphead: If we don't turn back, we're gonna die!

Mugman: Trust the goggles. They haven't failed us yet.

Cuphead: You lost the goggles! You haven't been wearing them for hours!

Mugman: No... No goggles? No goggles?! This is bad. This is bad!

Cuphead: I'm sorry, Mugsy. I shoulda told you the goggles came off. Now we're gonna die!

Mugman: Wait. If I wasn't wearing the goggles, that means I did that dangerous stuff without them! Don't you see, Cuphead? The goggles were inside me this whole time!

Cuphead: Gross. But I see your point.

Mugman: Watch this.

Mugman: Here's your delicate package, my good sir.

Porkrind: Where have you guys been? You were gone for three days.

Cuphead: Well, what do you expect? You sent us to the top of Mount Eruptus.

Porkrind: Not the Mount Eruptus. Mt. Eruptus Cleaners!

Both: "Mt. Eruptus Cleaners"? Oh! Oh, well.

Cuphead: I guess there's only one thing left to do, then. Time to break my high score!

Mugman: Uh, Cuphead?

Cuphead: What is it, Mugsy?

Mugman: I'm feeling a little... dangerous. Nickel me.

Porkrind: Oh, no, you don't! [He tears the pinball machine from the wall of his shop.] Here! Take it! And get out!

Mugman: Thank you, Porkrind!

Porkrind: Fricking, fracking, lousy cups. Wait. If this ain't my laundry, what the heck is it? An egg? [The egg hatches to reveal a small dragon.] Aw, cute. I know what I'm having for dinner. [A three-headed dragon rips off the roof of the Emporium and takes back the small dragon.] Uh-oh. [The dragon breathes fire onto the shop. When the fire subsides, Porkrind is somehow still standing despite his shop being destroyed.] I hate those cups.

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