Cuphead Wiki

Kettle: Well, it's that time again, boys. [sprinkles food into the fish bowl] I'm off to my weekly mustache wax. Now, remember. Two rules while I'm gone. Number one, don't touch my radio. [He points to said radio, which is on a table] It is my most prized object after all. And of course, rule number two, no fighting!

[Kettle slams the door, but opens it to double-check. He closes the door and leaves. Cuphead and Mugman look at eachother then start fighting. Their fight cloud knocks into some of the furniture, which fortunately doesn't break. However, when they near the radio, they pause. The two carefully make their way around it, and continue fighting.]

Mugman: Hold it! [He yells, pausing the fight once more] Cuphead, why are we fighting again?

Cuphead: Uh, 'cause we're not supposed to?

Mugman: Right!

[They proceed to fight, until someone knocks on the door. Thinking it's Kettle, the brothers rush to the door, and open it.]

Both: Back so soon, dearest Kettle? [They notice a basket on their doorstep, with a note inside. They pick up the note, and read it] "Please take care of baby." [They exchange looks with each other, confused. They lower the note to see a baby, much to their adoration] Aw!

Mugman: How could someone leave something so precious? [He picks up the baby and heads back inside]

Cuphead: Uh, Mugman? [He follows Mugman inside, closing the door] What are we supposed to do with a baby?

Mugman: We show it love, of course. [He sits down] Just watch and learn. Hello, baby. My name is Mugman. Can you say Mu...

Baby Bottle: Mama.

Mugman: [squeals] That's right, baby! That's exactly right! Boop! [He boops the baby's nose, making him giggle]

Cuphead: Well, then, I guess that makes me Dada, doesn't it? [He picks up the baby] Right? Dada?

[Instead, the baby starts crying, much to Cuphead's concern. He begins to run around in a circle, screaming and panicking]

Cuphead: [yells] Mugman, why's it crying?!

Mugman: You need to burp him, Cuphead!

[Cuphead stops in front of his brother, and attempts to do so, but fails.]

Cuphead: I don't think it's working.

Mugman: Maybe he needs his diaper changed? [The boys freeze in disgust of that thought; Trying to change the subject] Or I could try burping him again.

Cuphead: Yeah, that's a great idea. [He hands the baby to Mugman.]

Mugman: It's all right, baby. [The baby's stomach rumbles, burps and then giggles.] Yeah. That's better.

Baby Bottle: Mama!

Cuphead: Hey, it worked! Boop!

[Cuphead pokes the baby's nose and it bites his finger.]

Cuphead: YEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWW!!! Did you see that?! That thing bit me!

Mugman: [gasps] Cuphead! Baby is not a "thing." Baby is a baby. [The baby coos, then blows a raspberry at Cuphead] I think you two need to learn to get along while I prepare some baby food. [He sets the two of them down on the couch] And now, remember! All baby needs is love!

[Cuphead sits down awkwardly, looking at the ground, then at the baby, slightly smiling. Trying to make the baby laugh, he begins flicking his lips.]

Cuphead: Peekaboo! Peekaboo! Peekaboo! [The baby doesn't seem to be amused. He makes a funny face, but ends up getting milk sprayed in his face. It gasps] Now, baby, you know it's not polite to... [The baby sprays milk in his face again] Whoa! [The milk knocks him into the antique china, leaving him to catch the falling items; some with his hand, some with his foot. He places them back on the china]

Cuphead: Phew!

Baby Bottle: Mama!

[Cuphead notices the baby crawling into the closet]

Cuphead: Baby, no! [He runs after it, but once he opens the closet, a ton of junk collapses onto him, much to his pain. The baby comes crawling over the junk, sliding to the floor. Cuphead sticks his head out of the rubble, dizzy, with a bowling ball rolling around his head--falling into it. He then sees the baby ripping pages out of a book, emerging back into the mess, scrambling out of it.]

Cuphead: Baby! [The baby throws the book at him, falling on it's back and laughing.]

Mugman: [hears the laughing] I just knew they'd get along.

Cuphead: [annoyed] Now, baby... [He sees the baby shaking the radio, which Kettle specifically told them not to touch. He screams, saving the radio from falling] Phew! [angry] Bad baby! Bad... [notices it's gone] Baby?

Baby: Mama? [Cuphead gasps]

[The baby is seen on the shelf, slowly pushing the fish towards the edge.]

Cuphead: Don't do it. Easy... Easy... Oh, come on!

Mugman: Cuphead! Glass on the floor?! Baby could get hurt!

Cuphead: Well, baby broke the fish bowl!

Mugman: You were supposed to be watching baby!

Cuphead: That baby is not a normal... Wait. Where's baby?

Both: Baby!

Cuphead: Where'd it go?!

Mugman: How should I know?!

Both: There you are. Open up, baby! Open the door!

Cuphead: Mugman, you gotta listen to me. Something's wrong with that baby. We gotta get rid of it.

Mugman: Not a chance, Cuphead. Baby needs our love!

Cuphead: What it needs is a leash!

Mugman: Cuphead! The way you're talking, it's like you never even wanted a baby!

Cuphead: I didn't!

Mugman: Oh, well, then... I guess I'll do all the parenting myself.

Cuphead: Be my guest! Hmph!

Mugman: Baby? Would you be a darling and open the door for Mama?

Both: Elder Kettle's radio!

Mugman: No! Bad baby! Bad!

Baby: Mama.

Cuphead: [worried] Uh, I don't like that crazy glint in his eye.

Mugman: Oh, nonsense, Cuphead.

Cuphead: But...

Mugman: Calm down. Wait right there. I've had this bear since I was a tiny baby. It means the world to me. It was always there to cheer me up, and now it'll be there for you. I'm gonna kill that thing!

Cuphead: Mugman, no! It's a baby!

Mugman: It's not a baby! It's evil. It's gone!

Mugman: My eyes!

Cuphead: That's it! I'm calling for help. Hello, Operator? Get me the police! Hello? Hello? He cut the line!

Both: AAAHH!

Mugman: Now what do we do?!

Cuphead: Dresser.

Mugman: Huh?

Cuphead: Dresser!

Cuphead: Chair.

Mugman: No. Dresser.

Cuphead: No, chair!

Both: Baby, no!

Baby: Mama!

Both: No!

Kettle: Door ripped off its hinges? Piano on fire? Fishbowl shattered? Fish missing? Antique china in pieces? Dresser smashed into wall? More fire? Eh. Boys will be boys. My radio! My most prized object! [growls]

Both: Baby did it.

Baby: Mama.

Kettle: Aw! This little cutie-patootie? Oh! Bad baby!

Baby: Mama.

Kettle: Boys! Help!

Kettle: Okay. On three. One, two, three!

Both: Aw!

Baby: Mama.

Woman: So cute! "Please take care of baby." Oh! Let's get you inside.