[The episode begins at the cottage, the usual exterior being seen. Then, inside the house, Elder Kettle is seen leaving the kitchen in a seemingly good mood]
Elder Kettle: Well, it's that time again, boys! [he sprinkles food into the fish bowl, and walks into the boys playing marbles] I'm off to my weekly mustache wax! [flicks his mustache] Now, remember, two rules while I'm gone. Number one, don't touch my radio.
[We turn to a quick shot of said radio]
Elder Kettle: It is my most prized object after all. And of course, rule number two: No fighting!
[He shuts the door, briefly checks inside, then leaves. At that moment, Cuphead and Mugman start fighting–their fight bubble crashing into things. However, once they near the radio, they pause and anxiously move around it. Then, they continue fighting, until...]
Mugman: HOLD IT! [pauses the fight] Say, Cuphead; Why are we fighting again?
Cuphead: Uhh, 'cause we're not supposed to?
Mugman: Right!
[The two continue fighting, until knocking is heard at the door. The two stop fighting and go to open it.]
Cuphead and Mugman: [with halos over their heads] Back so soon, dearest kettle?
[They eventually notice that there was nothing more than a little basket, with a note inside. They take it and read it.]
Both: Please take care of baby.
[Cuphead and Mugman exchange confused looks with each other; they lower the note to find a cooing baby inside the basket.]
Both: Aww!
Mugman: How could someone leave something so precious? [takes the baby inside]
Cuphead: Uh, Mugman?
[He follows Mugman back inside the cottage.]
Cuphead: What are we supposed to do with a baby?
Mugman: We show it love, of course. Just watch and learn. [turns to baby] Hello, baby. My name is Mugman; can you say, Mu–
Baby Bottle: Mama.
[Mugman, overjoyed, squeals with excitement as he looks at Cuphead, who is confused.]
Mugman: That's right, baby! That's exactly right! Boop! [boops the baby's nose; the baby giggles]
Cuphead: Well, then. I guess that means I must be Dada, doesn't it? [picks the baby up] Right? Dada?
[Instead, the baby starts crying–much to Cuphead's distress. He starts screaming and running around in circles]
Cuphead: MUGMAN! WHY'S IT CRYING?!
Mugman: You need to burp him, Cuphead!
[Cuphead, stopping in front of his brother, attempts to do so but fails.]
Cuphead: I don't think it's working!
Mugman: Maybe he needs his diaper changed? [The two freeze in disgust of that thought; Trying to change the subject] ...Or I could try burping him again.
Cuphead: Yeah–yeah, great idea. Let's back up some more... [hands Mugman the baby, backing away as he does so.]
Mugman: It's alright, baby.
[The baby's stomach rumbles, letting out a burp. It giggles]
Mugman: Yeah, that's better.
Baby Bottle: Mama!
Cuphead: Hey, it worked! [boops the baby's nose] Boop!
[The baby bites Cuphead's finger, causing him to scream in agony of his now swollen finger]
Cuphead: Did you see that?! That thing BIT me!
Mugman: [gasps] Cuphead, baby is not a thing! Baby is a baby!
[As Mugman holds the baby out to Cuphead, it coos and blows a raspberry at him]
Mugman: I think you two need to get along, [sets the baby on the couch, patting its head] while I prepare some baby food. [places Cuphead on the couch, patting his head.]
[Mugman leaves for the kitchen. He, however, briefly peeks back into the living room]
Mugman: And now remember! All baby needs is love! [zips back into kitchen]
[Cuphead is left in silence, fidgeting as the clock ticks. He looks at the baby, giving a smile. He then begins to make funny faces]
Cuphead: Peek-a-boo! Peek-a-boo! Peek-a-boo!
[The baby, unamused, stares at Cuphead. Cuphead continues to make funny faces until he is squirted at with milk, which is revealed to be the baby doing so. Cuphead's face is drenched with milk, in which he eventually shakes off]
Cuphead: Now baby, you know it's not polite to—
[He is squirted with milk once more, this time being pushed into the antique china; items collapse from the shelves left for Cuphead to frantically, but successfully, catch. He places them back on the shelves, then notices baby crawling into the closet]
Cuphead: Baby, no!
[He runs after it and opens the closet, only to be crushed by stuff inside the closet. The baby crawls out on top of it, sliding down and giggling. A dizzy Cuphead pops out, a bowling ball spinning around on his head until it plops inside. He hears ripping, looking over to see that baby is tearing out some of the pages of a book. Immediately, he dives inside the pile to stop it]
Cuphead: BABY!
[The book is thrown at him; the baby starts laughing, falling on its back. In the kitchen, Mugman hears the commotion.
Mugman: I just knew they'd get along. [peeks his head back inside the fridge]
[Cuphead sits up, starting to get annoyed.] Cuphead: Now, baby— [He's stopped when he sees the baby rattling the table Elder Kettle's radio is on. Much to his horror, he runs and pushes the radio back onto the table]
Cuphead: Phew! [to baby] Bad baby! Bad— [The baby isn't under the table anymore] ...Baby?
Baby Bottle: Mama?
[Cuphead looks up and gasps; the baby is on the shelf, slowly but surely pushing the fish bowl towards the edge]
Cuphead: [anxious] Don't do it... [The baby continues to slowly push the bowl] Easy... [The bowl gets closer and closer as the baby's smile grows bigger] Easy...
[Finally, the baby pushes the bowl off the shelf and onto the floor, leaving it shattered and the fish flailing around.]
Cuphead: Awh, come on!
[Mugman, having heard this, steps out of the kitchen to his horror.]
Mugman: [gasps] Cuphead! Glass on the floor? Baby could get hurt!
Cuphead: Well, baby broke the fish bowl! [tosses the fish inside his cup]
Mugman: Well, you were supposed to be watching baby!
Cuphead: [points] That baby is not a normal— [The baby is gone] Wait, where's baby?
[The two look at the door, which appears to be open]
Both: BABY! [They sprint outside]
Cuphead: Where'd he go?!
Mugman: How should I know?!
[A blowing raspberry can be heard behind them; they turn to find the baby sitting at the doorway, much to their relief]
Both: [sigh] There you are.
[The baby proceeds to slam the door shut, locking it as well–much to their shock]
Both: Open up, baby! Open the door!
Cuphead: Mugman, you gotta listen to me. There's something wrong with that baby, we gotta get rid of it!
Mugman: Not a chance, Cuphead! Baby needs our love!
Cuphead: What it needs is a LEASH!
Mugman: Cuphead! The way you're talking, it's like you never even wanted a baby!
Cuphead: I DIDN'T!
[Mugman gasps, seemingly hurt] Mugman: Oh, well then. [sniffles] Guess I'll do all the parenting myself!
Cuphead: Be my guest! Hmph!
Mugman: [knocks on door] Baby! Would you be a darling and open the door for Mama? [He then hears the radio go off, much to his and Cupheads dismay]
Both: ELDER KETTLE'S RADIO!
[They break the door open and find the baby rocking the radio around, playing with the channels, and–quite literally-beating it up. This is all to the brothers' horror, in which Mugman runs and grabs the baby to make sure nothing else happens]
Mugman: No! Bad baby! Bad!
[From there, the baby's face turns a bright red as it forms an angered expression, letting out an onimous...] Baby Bottle: Mama...
Cuphead: Uhh... I don't like that crazy glint in its eye.
Mugman: Oh, nonsense, Cuphead. [he sets the baby down beside him, patting its head]
Cuphead: But—!
Mugman: Calm down. [he pats Cuphead on the edge of his cup, backing out of the living room] Wait right there.
[Cuphead and Baby Bottle exchange a confused look with eachother before Mugman re-enters, with a teddy bear in hand]
Mugman: I've had this bear since I was a tiny baby, it means the world to me. [kisses it, winds it up] It was always there to cheer me up. And now, it'll be there for you.
[The toy begins to play a song, and the baby is endeared to it–Mugman watching with tears in his eyes. Until the baby, still smiling, pulls its head off as it looks at Mugman]
Mugman: [gasps, then furious] I'M GONNA KILL THAT THING!
[Cuphead pushes him, preventing the situation from escalating any further] Cuphead: Mugman, no! It's a baby!
Mugman: It's not a baby! [points] It's EVIL... [Once again, the baby disappeared; the two gasp.] It's gone!
[At that moment, the lights go out. The baby's giggling can be heard as the brothers are spun to the sound's direction; they're uneasy. Then, another set of giggling and discordant piano keys. They turn to find the piano seat spinning. A shriek emits from behind them, a flash of the baby's silhouette across the room. They turn one last time, being blinded by milk and hitting the china. Noticing it about to fall on them, the two jump out of the way.]
Cuphead: That's it! I'm calling for help [runs to the phone] Hello, operator? Get me the police! [no reply] Hello? HELLO?!
[Cuphead checks the wire, only to find out it's been cut in half–much to his horror] Cuphead: He cut the line...!
[Then, the dreading sound of the radio goes off. Cuphead and Mugman are left horrified at the sight of baby holding then throwing it. The two make a run towards the radio, both catching it with sighs of relief. The baby grabs a wooden hammer and smashes it, much to the boys' terror.]
Mugman: NOW WHAT DO WE DO?!
Cuphead: Dresser.
Mugman: What?
Cuphead: DRESSER—!
[Mugman turns behind him, but is already too late. They're hit by the dresser, and smash into the wall. The dresser opens with their straws popping out, and then their heads]
Cuphead: [horribly dizzy] Chair...
Mugman: [patting the dresser] No, dresser.
Cuphead: No, CHAIR! [points]
[A chair is seen flying towards the two, and they're able to dodge it this time; Cuphead and Mugman reach for the chandelier. As they hang, they fearfully look down. Then, cooing can be heard, and the two spot the baby with scissors in hand... next to a rope. Realizing that the rope is whats holding up the chandelier...]
Both: BABY, NO!
Baby Bottle: Mama!
[The baby cuts the rope, sending the two descending to the floor. Cuphead and Mugman, seeing the flames from the chandelier, throw it off them towards the door. Elder Kettle is seen walking through said door, but seeing the chandelier he ducks just in time. Then, he realizes what is happening]
Elder Kettle: Huh? Door ripped off its hinges? Piano on fire? Fish bowl shattered; fish missing? Antique china in pieces? Dresser smashed into wall? MORE FIRE?!
[Elder Kettle finds Cuphead and Mugman among the ruin, in which he looks at them shocked. Then, he brushes it off]
Elder Kettle: Eh, boys will be boys! [He chuckles and happily walks, that is until he notices the broken radio] MY RADIO! MY MOST PRIZED OBJECT!
[Now he really loses it. Kettle looks back to the boys angrily, steam coming out of his nose and lid. Cuphead and Mugman, trying to get themselves out of trouble...]
Both: [point] Baby did it.
[Elder Kettle, lid still rattling with anger, looks toward the direction they were pointing in to find the baby innocently sucking on its thumb]
Baby Bottle: Mama.
Elder Kettle: [quickly adored by the baby] Aww! This little cutie patootie?
[Elder Kettle picks the baby up and starts baby-talking at it. The baby wrenches the mustache off of Kettle's face. We pan to outside the cottage, with a scream so loud the camera shakes.]
Elder Kettle: OHH! [angry] Bad baby!
Baby Bottle: [making that same onimous expression again] Mama...
[Tossing the mustache aside, the baby proceeds to beat up Elder Kettle. And the boys can do nothing but cover their eyes in horror]
Elder Kettle: [in a hoarse voice] Boys... help...!
[The baby pulls him back into the fight cloud, continuing to beat him up. Cuphead and Mugman pull him out and into the kitchen. They shut the door]
[We fade back in on the kitchen; Mugman, Elder Kettle, and Cuphead are armed with weapons and covered in pillows]
Elder Kettle: Okay, on three. One... [places his hand on the doorknob] Two... [twists the doorknob] THREE!
[The door swings open, the trio peek out weapons at the ready–only to find the baby sleeping in the basket, sucking its thumb]
All: Aww!
[The three look at eachother, and the screen fades to black.]
[A doorbell is heard; fading back in, we see a woman, waist down only, opens her door to find the baby.]
Baby Bottle: Mama!
Woman: Oh, so cute! [reads letter] Please take care of baby... Awh! Let's get you inside.
[The three can be seen hiding behind a bush, their eyes retreating out from it. They, knowing that they wouldn't have to deal with it again, shake hands happily. The episode ends with an iris out on their handshake.]